Choices. Decisions.

Things that can make you miserable at most times. I am a girl stuck in my own stone-hard head but, I regret having it. Those who had read my earlier posts might know my deep passion in language.

In my post before, I had written about my interview session for Maybank Scholarship Award. Yeah, they offered me Psychology and yeah, I was accepted for the final stage of the choosing. My chance of going overseas under the scholarship is huge, actually. I don't know why I think that way. I've always wanted to go to UK or USA to further my studies. 

Know what?

I DECLINED IT.

Mom said, she let me make my own decision. I had already gotten an admission into The International Islamic University Malaysia for English Foundation. When Maybank called me, having discussed with my mom, I declined it. I'm so sorry for those who applied but didn't have the chance to go to the interview.

Weeks passed, my friends started to post their photos at their new place (mostly, those who are preparing to study overseas). I started to feel slight regret. I'm torn. I don't know why. I admit to attending a few scholarships interviews but, Maybank is the only one that I have gone through further. 

Some people asked me why do I choose to be a mere teacher with my good results. I know, I have Psychology in my list of choices but, why did I decline it? Should I regret it? Most part of me want to learn language, cherish it, spread the knowledge, invent something out of it. However, that little part that scream REGRETS over and over is torturing me. 

Sometimes, I think that I broke my own wings. My newly grown wings that will fly me from this ground where I took my first step. My wings that will take me to the places I want to go. But, will I be happy with what I will find there? With what I will do there? Will I be happy with it? 

I don't know. 

Someone please tell me that I have made the right decision.

Someone please tell me that I'm not wasting my A's on the result slip.

Someone please tell me it worth something.