To be honest, I have confident issues. I won't be using past tense since it still happens until this moment. As a human, no matter if you were a girl or a guy, you can never run from insecurities. However, it differs on certain people. Some can handle it, some just ignore it but, some just can't deal with it.

Including me.

Being a teenager, I have seen my friends growing up with me. Seriously, they become more beautiful as years passed. And most of girls at my age have boyfriends meanwhile, I've been living 18 years without any but, hopeless crushes. These might sound like small matters to some of you but to me, these are the things that make me stand in front of the mirror, lamenting my own issues.

Confident issues.

Self-hating issues.

Self-accepting issues.

Acne issues.

Yes, I felt ugly, hideous, horrible. I have a peculiar big, long chin and weird jaw problem. I have eye bags. My skin is made of sandpaper. My nose is bulbous. My teeth is crooked. I have nothing beautiful enough on my face. (Let's not talk about body issues here since I feel uncomfortable talking about it under some circumstances)

I HATE MYSELF

When I told my friends about what I feel about myself, some said "Hey, I think you look okay." Some remained silent. Maybe the silent ones kinda agreed with my point.

People said that I am the kind that is able to speak with confidence in front of the public. Truth is, I'm not like that. For God's sake, when I had to stand and talk in front of the people, I had anxiety.

I was afraid if people wouldn't accept the points I'd said.

I was afraid if I looked horrible there.

I was afraid whether I deserved or not to be at the front.

I was afraid of so many things.

The confidence that they saw was just a façade that I managed to build poorly. Inside, I was an abandoned house, wrecked and falling apart.

But in 2015, I had seen it. I had seen what I should've seen before.

I fangirl hard.

I meet awesome people on social media.

I listen to good song with messages.

These things have changed me. I dare say that Before You Exit's Model makes me see the beauty in my imperfections. Then, I met the awesome booknerds and Exiters who have always been so nice to me and others. I know it sounds dumb to say that a song can make my mind changed. But, that's the reality.

I'm starting to love myself. To accept myself. To see myself the other way.

Here I am, telling you to love yourself. You are born beautiful. Only some ignorant people can't see it. God's creations are ALL beautiful. No exception.

If you still can't see yourself that way, let me tell you one thing.

Beauty is a thing that we have to discover. Some times, it's not physical. It's the heart that matters. Beauty can also come in the talent you have. I guess I should say that beauty is actually what makes you you. What makes you different from the others.

Don't be afraid if you think you're not one of the hot chics in school. Don't feel low if you don't have a boyfriend. Don't be unconfident if you're fashion-outdated.

Remember, no one is born without beauty.

Love yourself because who else gonna love as much as you can?

Don' hate yourself because you're such a wondrous creation. What is left to hate when there is nothing to hate? Such a shame to hate a sui generis creation like you.

Self-acceptance is hard, I know. I still have problems with it but, as long as you keep looking on the bright side, it'll only get better.

Don't hate yourself, okay?

~~~

I would love to share my playlist that I've always played to feel better about the way I look. Here it is:

Before You Exit // Model

Alessia Cara // Scars to Your Beautiful

Tayler Buono // It'll Only Get Better

Colbie Caillat // Try

Sleeping With Sirens // Roger Rabbit

Before You Exit // I Like That

Sleeping With Sirens // Better Off Dead

:)